Got a toothbrush?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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