walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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