he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
