I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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