I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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