I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am naked and annoyed.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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