I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
