Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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