How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
