His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
