Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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