no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
