You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
