im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
