We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
