I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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