Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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