If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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