Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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