I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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