They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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