Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
