He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
