that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
