and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
