I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Bring me that man meat
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
