I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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