I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
