Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
