last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
