Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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