Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
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what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
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Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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