I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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