Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
there was a trapeze. enough said
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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