She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
