You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
