The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
