so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
