I want to walk on stilts...naked
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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