I could have mohawked her pubes.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
