things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Two words: blizzard sex
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
