so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
