im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
