I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
