I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
