no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
