If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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