ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I need to align my fucking chakras
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
