that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
