Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
