worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
