best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Still dying that you shit outside
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
