btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
