While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
