i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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