he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
