i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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