It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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