You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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