We're facebook friends in real life
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
