Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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