I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
