I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
