i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
