That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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