if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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