Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
